Diane MacLean: My Story

This past week on Lee Medd Live, I spoke with Diane MacLean.  A woman with an inspirational story,  below is Diane’s story.

 

If you have any questions or comment’ s please feel free to post them below or get in touch via e-mail @ lml@aliveradio.net

 

“My name is Diane MacLean and I am 42 years old, I am married to Callum 38, and we have 3 children, Bethany 15, Louise 14 and Callum Jnr 9. I was the youngest of 4 children, 2 older sisters and an older brother. My oldest sister died when I was 13, she had a virus called Guillain-Barre syndrome and died in intensive care just one week after being admitted to hospital.My Brother and other Sister still live nearby.

I have always had problems with my weight. I was fine until I was about 8 years old then I began to put on the pounds. By the time I left primary school I was 11 stones. I maintained that until I was around 13, and my sisters’ tragic death. We were very close even though she was a lot older than me and we had some fantastic times together, she taught me the beauty of song and we would spend hours and hours singing our favourite songs and recording ourselves, and I miss her still. Losing her left me feeling empty inside, I suppose I filled that emptiness with food.

By the time I reached 18 years of age I was 18 Stone. It was around then I began my first diet and it was Scottish Slimmer’s. I lost about 2 stone then got bored and over the next 2 years I put it back on. Then it was Weight Watchers I lost around 3 stone then spent the next 2 years putting it back on. I got married when I was 23 and I was 19 and a half stone. I continued dieting as we were trying to start a family and wanted to have the best chance of conceiving. This time it was Slim Fast and I lost 4 stone. I had a miscarriage and felt really low in mood and I started to eat again. I had some tests done which showed I didn’t ovulate very often so I was offered fertility treatment. While on this treatment I put a stone in weight back on but I thought that was fine especially when at last I found out I was pregnant again. This time I got to 3 months and then I had some serious bleeding. I was admitted to the local maternity hospital for observation and had a scan the following day which showed that my baby was still there although there were some signs that what could have been a second pregnancy sack that had not developed, this was the reason for the bleeding and pain, that evening whatever it was came out and was taken away to be examined but I was fine and so was my baby. I was discharged home and told to take things very easy for the next few weeks. Over the next 4 months I managed to gain another 4 stone! I was now over 20 stone!

Over the following year I lost 3 stone, this time I returned to Weight Watchers to do it. Then I was pregnant again with my second baby. This pregnancy was so much easier than the first one and I felt really well until the final 2 months when my blood pressure went up really high and I was once again told to rest. By the time I gave birth, through emergency c section because of a prolapsed umbilical cord, I had shot up to 20 stone again. I was feeling the effects of post natal depression after my daughter’s birth and felt embarrassed by my feelings and I decided to throw myself into doing things just to keep my mind occupied and stop myself from feeling so low and at times suicidal!

I spoke to my GP who prescribed anti-depressant medication and I enrolled on a course in theatre and performing arts at the local college where I met some really talented people, I felt well for a long period of time and after 2 years I was sad for it to end. I became pregnant again about 6 months later.  My husband became unwell during this time and was diagnosed with crohn’s disease and he had an emergency operation, where he had part of his colon removed, while he was recovering I had another miscarriage which turned out to be a hydatidiform mole.

I ate to feel better but still became very low in mood, the worse I felt the more I ate, the heavier I got, the lower my mood became so the more I ate just to feel better. I was also worried about my husband’s health! As I gained weight he lost it. I was up to 21 stone and he was down to 10. My Brother was also diagnosed with testicular cancer and was getting chemo and radiotherapy treatment. I still ate, hoping to make myself happier! Eating was my only pleasure amongst all the bad that was happening around me. I was embarrassed by my size and felt I could not do anything about it. I even visited my sisters’ grave and talked to her, but I couldn’t stop my thoughts taking over. I was having very dark thoughts, I felt ugly and huge and I couldn’t stop imagining ways in which I could end my life. I felt worthless and that everyone would be better off without me. I spoke to my GP and she advised me to be admitted to an acute mental health ward. I stayed in the ward for a couple of weeks and received medication and not much more! I felt alone and isolated, I missed my children so much and I had nurses assuming I was there because I was being abused by my husband and even advised me to refuse to see him and my children until I was stable on my medication. Callum had stood by me through everything I ever wanted to do and this is what they thought! Still I could not admit that I was feeling this bad because of my weight. Eventually I was discharged and vowed never to return.

I had weekly visits from an OT who managed to build my confidence levels up enough to return to college and I began a course in Health Care. My weight was still around 21 stone. I tried hard and lost about 3 stone, once again with Weight Watchers. Months later on 11 September 2001, the day of the terrorist attacks in the US I found out I was pregnant again. Almost as soon as I found out I began putting weight on, soon I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes which required me to inject insulin twice a day. I tried really hard not to gain too much weight. I was in and out of the maternity hospital and eventually had an elective c section. My son was born and although 3 weeks early he was a massive 10lb 2oz. I was a massive 23 stone. I managed to lose 3 stone in the following year and was accepted to nursing college. I started in august 2003 and qualified as a mental health nurse in 2006. I had a few temporary nursing contracts over the following three years. I worked with the community mental health team, also in mental health rehab and in acute admission. I eventually got a permanent job with the charity NSF Scotland in 2008. I started having other health problems soon after. My Bp was high and required medication, my cholesterol levels were high and I was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes.

In 2009 I weighed 22 stone and I was feeling very tired all the time. I was feeling weak most days and it was a constant struggle to keep getting up in the morning and going to work. I knew I had to though as I was the only wage earner in the house and we had a mortgage to pay along with all of the other bills; electric, heating oil, petrol, shopping and council tax. These bills don’t stop when you’re unwell!!

I was referred to the NHS weight loss clinic and lost and gained weight on a weekly basis. Down 4lb one week and up 2lb the next and once again I felt like a failure so I gave up. I became less active and extremely tired during the day and began gaining weight at an astonishing rate, so much that the scales I had would not weigh me. I visited my GP again in September 2010 and told her about my tiredness and poor night time sleep. She asked me a few questions regarding my sleep and referred me to a sleep clinic. On Monday 4th October 2010 I was admitted to hospital with cellulitis in my leg which happened because I had a fall while away for a weekend with my husband. I was put on IV antibiotics and given some pain relief in the form of oramorph. The following morning I was given more oramorph and immediately felt extremely unwell. I remember talking to the doctor and trying to explain how I felt when everything just went black! The next thing I remember was waking up in intensive care with lots of doctors and nurses sticking tubes and needles in me. I’m unsure of what happened next but the following day I woke up! My family were there and I then realised that I was in the same room in the same intensive care unit that my sister died in all those years ago and it was the same month of the year. My parents were distraught. I was able to speak to a consultant who told me I had suffered from a secondary respiratory failure. He went on to tell me that my oxygen levels were seriously low and my carbon monoxide levels were seriously high. He told me I was in renal failure and finally that I had obstructive sleep apnoea. I spoke to the respiratory doctor who explained sleep apnoea to me and told me if I was to lose weight I would probably recover from it. I was given a c-pap machine to use at night in order to keep my airway open and allow me to breathe properly while asleep. Because of the renal failure I had a lot of fluid retention and I was unable to do anything for myself. I couldn’t even go to the toilet or wash myself and I felt degraded when other people had to do these things for me. I was on a constant saline drip which was set to give me 3 litres of fluid a day, I still had an antibiotic drip and I also had a catheter bag in place. After 4 days in ICU I was transferred to a general ward and for a few days I had time to think about everything that had happened to me. I kept having recurring images of my mums face when she saw me in the icu so unwell. Then I had an allergic reaction to one of the antibiotics I was being treated with and it caused me to get a rash all over and set me back a few days. My veins also started to cause concern as they began to close down. I was told I would need to have a central line which is a catheter placed into a large vein in the neck. It is used to administer medication or fluids and obtain blood tests. I was then taken to another ward which was able to work with the line. After a couple of days I started to feel a little better and was able to get up and walk about. I was asked to sit on a set of scales and when they told me my weight. The doctor told me if I didn’t do anything about it there was a high chance I would be dead before I was 45. I was almost 28 stone. I made my mind up then that I had to change, I could not let my mum and dad go through the heartache of losing another child and I could not leave my own children without a mum when they were so young. I overcame a few more minor setbacks before being discharged from hospital on 29th October 2010 and couldn’t wait to get home and get started on my new improved way of life.

Less than 1 year later and I have gone from just under 28 stone to 14 stone and I am determined to lose another 2 stone. I no longer require medication for blood pressure. My blood sugar levels are normal. I no longer have renal problems and I have just completed a sleep study and I no longer have sleep apnoea. I feel great. I went back to see the dietician at the weight loss clinic where I lost just over 2 stone before I joined a local slimming group, Solway Slimmer’s. The Group leader is very supportive as are the other members. It’s not a group that sells or promotes products or includes sticking to drinks and food bars. It encourages learning about all sorts of food and how to eat a balanced diet. It gives recipe ideas and different cooking methods and includes tips on snacks and party foods and most importantly the support helps you manage the psychological effects of dieting. So with a calorie intake of around 1200-1400 Monday – Friday and 1400-1800 at the weekend along with regular exercise through walking, swimming and aquaerobics, I have managed to lose another 11 and a half stone. I still have support from the Dietician and weight management department at the local NHS hospital and attend fortnightly classes at Solway Slimmer’s.

I know I still have another 2 stone to lose but I know I will do it. I am enjoying life with my family again and we are far more active together, they are so supportive and we have become even closer over the last year. I am enjoying my new lease of life and feel grateful that I have a second chance. I am defiantly going to make the most of it!